Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
