If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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