I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
