I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
