I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
