Someone shit on the floor
My balls are so social today.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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