are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
