We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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