i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
