Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
