when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
