just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
