oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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