Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It was confusing and full of hummus
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
