The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
