So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
