Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
