If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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