we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Success! We fucked roommates!
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