just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
