Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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