your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
