Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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