Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
