So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
