this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
