So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
