YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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