i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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