Can i not drive my cunt home
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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