Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
