Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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