Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We don't watch enough power rangers
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
