I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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