i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
