I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
