I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
