can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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