my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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