he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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