It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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