my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
