Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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