I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
