Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
