I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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