your parents love me but you hate me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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