whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
