his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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