I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
