I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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