My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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