I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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