Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
