i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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