She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
