Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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