is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
