Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
