I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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