just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
